i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
