Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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