Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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