oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
