RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
