Dual....:-)
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
