dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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