awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
