we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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