This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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