What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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