Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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