I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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