Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
