I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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