Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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