I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am midnight drunk by noon
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
