somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
