I have demons in me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
