Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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