so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
