I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
