dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
