brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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