i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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