i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
