Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
