come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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