Pregnant stripper...not hot.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
