I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
