I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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