If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
