i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
