I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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