Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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