So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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