That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
