if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
