at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
