Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
