Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
