Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
