epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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