Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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