I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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