I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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