Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
