my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
