Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
