do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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