I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
