Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
