I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize