No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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