I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
