I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
