Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
