You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
