kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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