she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
