I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize