um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
