If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Less talking, more tequila
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
