I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
