Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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