Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
