Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
