dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
