To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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