what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
