I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
