These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
