Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
