I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
