Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
