closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
