Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
