there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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